Well, my week break came and went quickly. I’m back on Cabo at 40 mg. Happy to be back on the medication, as I’m hoping for continued good results.
However, I’m drained. I counted yesterday, and I’m now on three different medications to manage the side effects of the Cabo. In addition to the blood pressure medication and the blood thinner, I’m also taking a thyroid medication because my thyroid is underperforming. Cabo was originally created for metastatic thyroid cancer, which is why it attacks the thyroid.
I’m sure the thyroid problems are partially to blame, but I’ve been struggling emotionally in the past couple of weeks. I don’t think it’s been very noticeable to those around me, like my husband and kids, but I’m feeling it. A lot of anxieties I felt around when I was diagnosed have been attacking me since around the time I took the Cabo vacation. I think it’s because it’s the reminder that I’m sick again. I don’t do well in situations that I can’t control. This isn’t something I can control.
Stuart Scott of ESPN fame had a great quote about this. He was talking about how he continued working out even while battling cancer (which I totally get – I’m so happy I started doing yoga and Pilates), and his dreams and fears.
Scott said, “I keep working out for me, but I also keep working out for my daughters. I want Taelor and Sydni to know that I’m still strong. I want to walk them both down the aisle. And I still plan to. I hope to. I don’t know. That’s what cancer robs you of. Cancer robs you of the ability to look past today.”
But, I lean on my faith too. My devotional today read in part: “We find so much comfort in knowing that our God is not distant from us in our times of pain and heartbreak. He’s not indifferent to our suffering. He is not emotionless. He is present with us in our pain, and his love has the power to carry us through the storm.”
One day at a time. Walking through this storm one step at a time.
But, I’m a fighter. I’ll get there.